Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Rock Bottom?

Here's to 2010 ending and 2011 beginning...So, I've been a little MIA lately. To give you a heads up, here's what we've been up to:
  • Helping a child heal from a traumatic brain injury (TBI) from a skull fracture - thankfully we've had amazing detailed neuropsychological testing done and now know exactly where he's at in regards to ability. Oh, how I love this boy! My heart aches for him when he's struggling to relearn all he's lost through the injury, but rejoices in the little things in life that seem to matter so much more to him (and us) now. He truly is an amazing kiddo and I'm so glad I get to call him MINE! (Best part of parenting a child with a TBI - the stories...baby bunny at church, baths with fish, playful pet gopher. If you ever need a laugh, I have many TBI stories that could really lift your spirits.)
  • Painfully watching your daughter's mental illness slowly take control over her actions, reactions, thoughts, feelings, words, deeds, etc...
  • I've now learned that the hardest thing to witness as a parent is watching your child make life changing wrong decisions. Decisions which end up taking away a person's freedoms. As a parent, you feel absolutely helpless, ashamed, guilty, grief-stricken, defeated, judged, blamed, abandoned, ignored,...Nothing hurts more that to be judged by others by what your child has said or done when they have absolutely no idea what huge trials they are trying to battle. (If I've learned anything through this experience, it's the importance to try and see people through Christ-like eyes - even if they can't or won't see you that way.)
  • Figuring out how to love and care for a mentally ill child whose sole purpose in life is to control, manipulate, and cause hurt and pain to everyone she meets because that's all she knows.
  • Learning how to establish physical and emotional boundaries from said child so I can be present and engaged in all my children's lives and be a better mom. (Still working on this one...)
  • Preparing and planning for my husband to be laid off. Thankfully we were warned ahead of time and had plenty of time to prepare. What a huge blessing it's been to have time to prepare financially. Now, it's all in the Lord's hands as to what's next for us. We can't make any big decisions until we know if Amaya will get accepted into a Residential Treatment Center for intensive therapy and counseling.

Let's just say it's been a long, long year...I was hopeful that 2011 would be a new start, but unfortunately we're still in the hitting rock bottom stage. Here's hoping that we don't hit a 'new' rock bottom and that we can finally start clawing our way out of the bottomless pit we're in.


debra said...

You are such a good mom and I am amazed at how strong you are with all youve been given!! Your sweet family will be in my prayers for you to get all help, guidance, direction, and financial help you need!! The only "judging" of you that I can do is to see how amazing you are!!

Us Lochers said...

Brian and I think you and Dusty have done AMAZING with your children. I know its hard to worry about what everyone thinks... but trust me when I say you guys are SAINTS and we know you are doing the best and even better than 99% of most people out there. Let us know if there is anything we can do to help.

Kathy said...

I think you are an amazing woman. Your ability to "hold everything together" amid such great conflict and adversity leaves me in awe. You have my support and prayers. Please let me help you in whatever way I can. I love having your kids here. Anytime. Hang in there.

Rhonda said...

IF I had to deal with even a quarter of what you guys have gone through the past year I would be a crying ball of goo by now. You've both held up so well and are so strong. You truly inspire me. Keep on trudging through the slime, because the end of the road will be worth it:)

jayne said...

I've always admired your strength and mothering skills. You amaze me. We're praying for you guys that everything works out the best possible way for your family. We love you guys!

Melanie said...

DeeAnna. When I read this last week, Jeff had to ask me what was wrong from across the room. I knew I didn't have the time to adequately express my sympathies with and for you, and I'm not sure I do now, but I want you to know that I've been amazed at you before, and I know you'll find your way through this with the Lord on your side. I just wish so bad that there was something I could do. I can pray, and I will. I'm 801.492.0501 if you ever need me. And I'm going down to Vegas/Havasu for Kari McKown's wedding next weekend. There isn't any crossover there, is there? Love ya. Melanie

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